...and the countdown begins.....

...Well well well, it's now 1st March 2011, and this is our "big" countdown, 22 sleeps until we go to the Hospital, and 23 sleeps until my little Maisie Moo Moo goes in for her operation...not too sure how I'm feeling about it all, kinda worried that it's all going to come crashing down around me and I wont know where I am or what I'm doing, don't really want to get like that....sleep is a bit of an issue for myself, I've not been able to get to sleep until early hours, which is not good when looking after an 8 year old and a 15 month old. I have a huge urge to plan plan plan, which after asking some others who have been through this, have assured me that the way I feel and the things I'm doing are normal and that its part of the process....ladies from the Baby Centre also advised me to write down things that I think Maisie will need as I think of them to ease on the stress of remembering everything, that way I can review it too, so I have bought a small notebook to write my lists in!! I suppose in a way I don't want any unnecessary stress of not having what we need etc, best to plan ahead ay?! Alan and Dean are starting to make Maisie's Spica Chair this week, so it should be fun, I am extremely excited about it, handmade means so much more, plus looks better and can be however you want it to be, I have my design all planned out, but its a secret, I'm not telling anybody what its going to look like, just the base/main all-over colour will be candy cane!!! I will be taking pictures too of the progress, but once the main colour is on, no more piccys of the design will be going up until its completed! I am dreading Maisie in this cast, she loves her freedom so much, it seems cruel to take it all away from her...go on say it...."its for the best".....maybe so, but its plainly not fair! Anyway i am planning an early night tonight, I really do need the sleep, 3am last night, 4.30am the night before, 2am the night before that....so yes I think I'm going to bed after my programs tonight, or at least try and get an early night.....ugh.....I'm starting to loose patience with facebook too..or possibly the lack of energy to be bothered to do it anymore....I hate feeling like this, but I don't feel depressed, which is a plus, I think my mind is just exhausted, constantly thinking and wondering from the second I wake up until the minute I drop to sleep, things just whizz around in my head!!!!.....

Steph xxxx