...This time next week, I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep, Maisie's hospital visits start!!! I want it over and done with, but I'm absolutely terrified of how things are going to be, how am I going to feel seeing my perfect baby that I created, carried and gave birth to, be restrained from one of the things she loves to do...WALK....Maisie's going to be operated on, given god knows what drugs all at her tender age of 16 months old!!!!
I'm wide awake now....I'm surprised Ive not collapsed or something, I haven't slept well at all for around a month now...people may say tell your GP...honestly though, what for..sleeping pills??? There no good to me, I cant afford to be on sleeping pills, but yet I cant sleep! Its a tough one that! I am sick of being up this late...its cold and TV is boring, tonight Ive been backtracking listening to a loada choons that I love, some bouncy, some mellow! I did kinda think if I listen to mellow songs then I might get tired, but no, that's not worked, and they used to be the songs that I loved falling asleep listening to! Never mind eh...s'pose I'll just get on like I do every other day!
Back to the situation, I think I have pretty much everything under control that I can control...we have nappies big and small, stacks of nappy cream, 1 size larger vests and a few larger size clothes. I have also ordered her some mini aquadraw's from eBay, no mess, no fuss, just something to keep her going hopefully. Her Spica chair is almost done, just got a few more bits to add to it, then she can have it! It is of course in her favourite character of them all.....DUMBO....Maisie has the Dumbo comforter blankie and she cuddles it when she's tired, hurt, in pain, and takes it to bed. Its a routine, bottle ready, "find Dumbo" either me or Alan will say, and sure enough she will go looking for him. She watched the film the other day for the first time and she loved it, was amazed that HER Dumbo was on the telly lol, so it only seems right that her Spica Chair be no other than Dumbo!!! I went out and bought Dumbo on DVD too, so she can sit and watch something other than the usual cartoons. Trying to think of ways that we can entertain her, and I can barely think of anything, yet Ive read endless amounts of posts on forums and blogs by other parents!
I'm also extremely worried about when we get her home, and we try and figure some kind of routine out, what about shopping etc...we don't drive! Mission! I have already said that I am not going to get on the bus with her, because I will end up punching someone in the face if they knocked her cast, I'm sure people think I wouldn't, but I would, I really would! So I am going to refuse to use the bus to travel! Get fit me time lol! Then I think about town, or just out in general...it happens all the time, you can be walking down a perfectly empty street/part of town, and i will be standing with the pushchair, or will have moved over so theres space for a person heading towards me to pass, and they still manage to glide past the pushchair and knock it slightly.."tut" is my usual response....but oh my, if they do it when she's got her legs blatantly on the outside of the pushchair with a huge cast on, and they bang into the pushchair...god there gonna wanna hope I'm in a good mood. I'm dreading it I really am! I don't want to end up isolated in the house with Maisie, it wont be good for anybody!
Wow, I didn't realise I'd typed so much in such a short space of time, must have needed the moan lol!.....
Steph xxxx
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