Maisie's run up to the op.....23rd March 2011

...Oh my this was a fun day today...nerves were going mad all morning, and it wasnt even 9am. Waiting anxiously for 9am so we could ring the hospital to comfirm that they had a bed for Maisie....I think even   Maisie's older Sister Hailie was ready in record timing! Surprisingly Hailie went to school, Alan's mum had stayed over the previos night to help with Hailie this morning, so she took Hailie to school and me and Alan were making sure we had everything packed and the us and Maisie were dressed and all ready to leave, adn that all the bags were by the door ready to leave....

Then 9am came.....as Idialed the number given i could feel my heart starting to race, once they had answered, i asked if the bed was still available for Maisie today, "oh yes, can you be here for 12.30pm" so i asked if we were a little late would it matter as we had to get the train then the tube, and explained that it may take a few hours as we don't live in London! He was fine with that....good job too!

We got on the train, at our local train station, price = £28.80! That was paying for Maisie too, by paying for her we qaulified for the "family saver thingy" bonus. So we set off to hunt out Whitechapel in London! It was actually pretty easy to be honest, train direct to London Liverpool Street, change to the tube, and i think we took the hammersmith and city line, to Whitechapel.....

Once we had arrived at Whitechapel tube station, we had to find where the Sick Childrens Trust Charity had left the room keys for us, i for some reason was under the impression that they had been left at the train station, but they wern't, they had been left inside The Royal London Hospital at the security office for us to collect, the baggage we had was amazing, so rather than take everything to the ward and with it only being 12pm, we took all our stuff to a beautiful house run and funded by The Sick Childrens Trust named "Stevenson House". We were greeted with care by one of the staff! By the time we had got the stuff to our room and changed Maisie's nappy etc it was just after 12.40pm, so we rang the ward and asked if it would be ok to take Maisie for some lunch before bringing her up as she would have missed the dinner trolly, which they were fine with. So we went to as lovely little shop called Trio Sandwhich Bar, and had a sandwhich each, then took Maisie to the ward....

Maisie was on Grosvenor B Ward at The Royal London Hospital, bed 8! We went through all the paperwork that needed to be done, and that was that, we then went for a walk around for a bit as they didn't need her to be stuck on the ward! We took her back and she had some Tea, then thought it would be a great idea to run all around the ward...barefoot lol! All the staff were laughing at her, and she was so happy and was really enjoying herself, she didn't settle down and go to sleep until well after 10pm lol.......if only she knew what was to come the following day......

Steph xxxx

Thoughts & Feelings...

....Alan and Hailie have been away since Monday, they've gone to visit some family, as with Maisie's operation fast approaching we wont be able to get around very much, and both our family's don't live close! So, I've been spending quality time with Maisie, and I've loved it, just me and my Moo! We've had a good time just us, she's been really good too, she has stopped complaining as much about her hip, she doesn't hold it or rub it half as much as she was a few weeks ago, now I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, maybe shes just learnt to live with it. In all honesty I don't think its got better, I do think its worse than what it was in the beginning when she was first x-rayed on 14th December 2010, because her limp is so bad now, but I cannot stop her walking around, she's almost 16 months old, I cannot prevent her from trying to run and climb and throw herself about randomly everyday!

With the operation fast approaching I have been thinking more and more about it, and what life's going to be like when we get home. Tonight was a prime example...it was almost 7pm and Maisie had done a poo, so I had said to her, "lets take your nappy off, then you can have a bath" to which she screamed all while I was taking her nappy off and undressing her! Once I had let her free and put the nappy in the bin, she had ran to the safety gate and was shouting at me with the "uuuu" noise she makes when she wants something to be done for her, so I opened the gate for her, and quickly nipped into the bedroom to get her towel, and she was already in the bathroom (in the dark) standing by the bath shouting to get in. Now yes this is amazingly cute, Maisie adores getting in the bath, and while she was playing in the bath, I was watching her thinking, in a weeks time your baths are going to be taken away from you, and replaced with daily wash-downs and lying you on the bench with your head over the sink so we can wash your hair! I had tears in my eyes at the thought that something she loves, is just going to be gone from her life for a minimum of 12 weeks, this seems so unfair....I have already been informed by others in various forums that feelings like this and many others may surface during this ordeal. It is really upsetting. so were not going to be able to use the word bath its going to have to be a B.A.T.H lol

I'm getting worried about watching her be put to sleep, I've got so many emotions going around inside that I cant seem to figure out how I'm feeling, I'm trying my hardest to be strong, because I have to be, I have Hailie to consider as well, Hailie is scared of Maisie getting the cast on, and its going to be really strange for her. All the routines that we have in place are going to be thrown in the air like scrap paper, I don't want Hailie to feel left out once Maisie comes home, as she's going to take a lot of our time up, more so than she did before. We have told Hailie that she can be in charge of getting things for Maisie and passing her things, which she seems fine with....

Oh look were here again, its past 2am, my eyes are tired, I can feel it, but my head is buzzing about, and is constantly thinking of things that I know already, like, have we got everything for hospital...I know we have, I have planned, planned and planned again, I've been planning for months...all I am waiting for is some stuff to come from eBay that I ordered for her the other day for when she's in hospital, but that should all arrive by the end of this week! I'm scared to go to bed while my minds ticking like this, I don't want to go to bed while its being this active, I'll end up dreaming all kinds of things up, and being here on my own I wont be able to freely share it with Alan, so I wont have any immediate reassurance that things are ok!

...Well who would have thought Congenital Dysplasia of the Hip would be in my life, there's no previous history of it, Maisie is my 2nd child, and she spent her whole time head down while I was pregnant...none of the obvious signs, yet she's had this since birth and it was only picked up at 13 1/2 months old!!!!! I think maybe if it was Developmental then I might have a different outlook on it, but Maisie has no Hip socket, meaning that if this non-guaranteed operation doesn't prompt the growth, then she will need another operation before her 2nd birthday, I really don't know what to make of it all.....

Steph xxxx

Wide awake at almost 2am!!!!

...This time next week, I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep, Maisie's hospital visits start!!! I want it over and done with, but I'm absolutely terrified of how things are going to be, how am I going to feel seeing my perfect baby that I created, carried and gave birth to, be restrained from one of the things she loves to do...WALK....Maisie's going to be operated on, given god knows what drugs all at her tender age of 16 months old!!!!

I'm wide awake now....I'm surprised Ive not collapsed or something, I haven't slept well at all for around a month now...people may say tell your GP...honestly though, what for..sleeping pills??? There no good to me, I cant afford to be on sleeping pills, but yet I cant sleep! Its a tough one that! I am sick of being up this late...its cold and TV is boring, tonight Ive been backtracking listening to a loada choons that I love, some bouncy, some mellow! I did kinda think if I listen to mellow songs then I might get tired, but no, that's not worked, and they used to be the songs that I loved falling asleep listening to! Never mind eh...s'pose I'll just get on like I do every other day!

Back to the situation, I think I have pretty much everything under control that I can control...we have nappies big and small, stacks of nappy cream, 1 size larger vests and a few larger size clothes. I have also ordered her some mini aquadraw's from eBay, no mess, no fuss, just something to keep her going hopefully. Her Spica chair is almost done, just got a few more bits to add to it, then she can have it! It is of course in her favourite character of them all.....DUMBO....Maisie has the Dumbo comforter blankie and she cuddles it when she's tired, hurt, in pain, and takes it to bed. Its a routine, bottle ready, "find Dumbo" either me or Alan will say, and sure enough she will go looking for him. She watched the film the other day for the first time and she loved it, was amazed that HER Dumbo was on the telly lol, so it only seems right that her Spica Chair be no other than Dumbo!!! I went out and bought Dumbo on DVD too, so she can sit and watch something other than the usual cartoons. Trying to think of ways that we can entertain her, and I can barely think of anything, yet Ive read endless amounts of posts on forums and blogs by other parents!

I'm also extremely worried about when we get her home, and we try and figure some kind of routine out, what about shopping etc...we don't drive! Mission! I have already said that I am not going to get on the bus with her, because I will end up punching someone in the face if they knocked her cast, I'm sure people think I wouldn't, but I would, I really would! So I am going to refuse to use the bus to travel! Get fit me time lol! Then I think about town, or just out in general...it happens all the time, you can be walking down a perfectly empty street/part of town, and i will be standing with the pushchair, or will have moved over so theres space for a person heading towards me to pass, and they still manage to glide past the pushchair and knock it slightly.."tut" is my usual response....but oh my, if they do it when she's got her legs blatantly on the outside of the pushchair with a huge cast on, and they bang into the pushchair...god there gonna wanna hope I'm in a good mood. I'm dreading it I really am! I don't want to end up isolated in the house with Maisie, it wont be good for anybody!

Wow, I didn't realise I'd typed so much in such a short space of time, must have needed the moan lol!.....

Steph xxxx

5th March 2011......

....Alan & Dean carried on with building the Spica Chair for Maisie today, and they got so much done. The chair is now fully built and primed, and is currently drying...anticipation to paint is immense...but I have to say once they called me through to the garage to see the fully built chair in the flesh, I was amazed, took my photo's, then started to cry...I really cannot believe that Alan & Dean have managed to build it, they've done an amazing job and I am so proud to be able to say that, Maisie's Chair has been Made with Love. It looks beautiful even unpainted! The reality that Maisie goes into hospital for her operation in less than 3 weeks is becoming real and scary very fast, but even though I'm absolutely terrified of seeing my baby put to sleep then have to wait until we are told we can see her again, scares me, but I am strong enough to get through it, and have been told by many people that the adults worry more than what it actually bothers the child...so we shall see. Painting will commence tomorrow once the primer is dry, and were waiting for the artists brushes to be delivered so Alan can put the detail on it...Hopefully not long and we can bring the whole chair home and start using it....

Steph xxxx

3rd March 2011....day 2

....Work is going well on Maisie's Spica Chair, changed the design slightly, but it should look really really nice, Alan & Dean are doing such a good job on it for her, they've measured and cut all the wood now, so its all as it should be and the right sizes etc, and some of the support beams have been glued on to the sides, so they are now being left overnight to dry properly then its full steam ahead tomorrow to get more done, I must say though when Alan called me through to see what they have done so far, I got a lump in my throat, and welled up a little. But it is looking more than just some planks of wood now, and it starting to form the look of a chair!!! On a good note, Maisie has had a good day today, it is starting to look like her limp is getting worse, but not long now until her op....

Steph xxxx

2nd March 2011...

...Alan and our friend Dean started building the Spica Chair for Maisie today. It took them a while to figure out the measurements on the wood, but once they figured it out, things moved rather quickly, i must say! Although Dean told me they were actually building a boat haha! I asked Alan how long he thinks it will take them to get all the wood cut etc, Alan recons another few days for cutting & sanding to be done, then all it will need it to have primer painted on, then the base colour, then the design added on top....It's all getting to be real, the Chair is in process, and it's not going to be long before it's finished, i cant wait, but it really upset me once the curve at the bottom had been made, it's quite sad to think of Maisie in it with her cast on, but at the same time it will be such a useful piece of furniture for her! I do have huge thanks to Trent for the instructions, and to Dean for agreeing to help Alan to build it for Maisie....

 

Steph xxxx 

...and the countdown begins.....

...Well well well, it's now 1st March 2011, and this is our "big" countdown, 22 sleeps until we go to the Hospital, and 23 sleeps until my little Maisie Moo Moo goes in for her operation...not too sure how I'm feeling about it all, kinda worried that it's all going to come crashing down around me and I wont know where I am or what I'm doing, don't really want to get like that....sleep is a bit of an issue for myself, I've not been able to get to sleep until early hours, which is not good when looking after an 8 year old and a 15 month old. I have a huge urge to plan plan plan, which after asking some others who have been through this, have assured me that the way I feel and the things I'm doing are normal and that its part of the process....ladies from the Baby Centre also advised me to write down things that I think Maisie will need as I think of them to ease on the stress of remembering everything, that way I can review it too, so I have bought a small notebook to write my lists in!! I suppose in a way I don't want any unnecessary stress of not having what we need etc, best to plan ahead ay?! Alan and Dean are starting to make Maisie's Spica Chair this week, so it should be fun, I am extremely excited about it, handmade means so much more, plus looks better and can be however you want it to be, I have my design all planned out, but its a secret, I'm not telling anybody what its going to look like, just the base/main all-over colour will be candy cane!!! I will be taking pictures too of the progress, but once the main colour is on, no more piccys of the design will be going up until its completed! I am dreading Maisie in this cast, she loves her freedom so much, it seems cruel to take it all away from her...go on say it...."its for the best".....maybe so, but its plainly not fair! Anyway i am planning an early night tonight, I really do need the sleep, 3am last night, 4.30am the night before, 2am the night before that....so yes I think I'm going to bed after my programs tonight, or at least try and get an early night.....ugh.....I'm starting to loose patience with facebook too..or possibly the lack of energy to be bothered to do it anymore....I hate feeling like this, but I don't feel depressed, which is a plus, I think my mind is just exhausted, constantly thinking and wondering from the second I wake up until the minute I drop to sleep, things just whizz around in my head!!!!.....

Steph xxxx